So you know how eventually someone asks you 'if you could know the secret to any question, which would it be'? Most people say "oh God WHYYYY did Hitler do it?!?!?!?!?" or "does God exist and if he does why did he not make nana give me any inheritance". Well, my question is quite different, and can be viewed as either extremely enlightened or trivial.
My question is: is Tiger reaaaallly retarded? Every vet ever has asked if we dropped him on his head of if he was the result of some heavy inbreeding and some of the stuff he does sometimes just... shocks me that he made it this far. However, there are these moments. These glimmerry, shiny, wonderful, ethereal moments in which I see a spark. A spark of some intelligence. Not going to lie, I hold onto these thoughts like a drowning man holds onto a piercing fishhook in a lake. If he actually isn't mentally disabled, that means he's been conning my family for extra food and tummy rubs and refusing to walk out of pure evil genius.
Sometimes I fantasize about what he thinks. I kind of imagine a Great Gatsby-esque, cool, calm, collected character that could be the precarious flirt but the deep romantic at the same time. His voice would reflect this. For some reason, I also imagine him as slightly schizophrenic and having conversations with himself. Of course all of this is out of pure love and confusion of my little pooch.
So, without further ado, this is what I've gotten from Tiger's actions in about the last 12 hours.
Eva and John and Nicole have left now
I only have Danielle and Margie yes
sirree you only have Danielle
and Margie
The chance of getting my favorite
place scratched is considerably
lower -yes sirree quite considerably lower-
with Eva and John and Nicole gone
So this is what you're going to do
Tiger old chap, this is what you're going to do
You're gonna limp
Left upper paw buddy that's it you got this
Your left upper paw and now flinch when
Danielle presses gently on it
to test if you're injured after
Margie pointed out that you are limping.
Good good she's picking me up
Now I don't have to walk up
the god-awful sticky stairs that
slaps my
tongue as I slave up she's almost there
old chap give her the
eyes so she gives you that cookie
that she bought this morning on her bike ride
she's staring oh God
does she see through it no she can't
pretend to fall asleep RIGHT NOW
come on fellow wake up wake up she's getting out
another cookie okay compose
yourself look
at your paw yes yes yes she's giving
you a second one old chap!
Wait what is that
what is that behind her
Is that gauze? What is she saying?
"Tiger, Mom is coming back
tomorrow and I can't take you to the vet
until she gets here but don't worry I'm going to stabilize
this leg
and then you won't hurt yourself
further"
I detest those pet names don't I
But we have a bigger pro'lem old
chap yes sirree we have a
bigger problem that is
a woman of about sixteen years
of age is inexperiencedley- yes,
I do say quite inexperiencedley -
wrapping gauze cloth around your left
paw.
And you are going to the vet tomorrow
and they'll probably
tell Danielle that I am
overweight and must go
on another stricter horribler
di-et.
Stay calm stay calm old boy, she
just gave you the
cookie and she's scratching your favorite
spot.
Just stay
calm and give
her the eyes. Never
give anything away.
That was actually quite fun. For anybody wondering if I'm crazy and think my dog is faking it and therefore abusing him by not giving him proper medical care, I am taking him to the vet tomorrow and I have, in fact, bandaged up his leg
I didn't have any tape so I safety pinned it... I actually called my mom and bragged to her, the great doctor, that I managed to help Tiger's leg and help him as any good vet but then Margie pointed out that I had wrapped the wrong leg.
Oh well, c'est la vie! Right now Tiger and I doing some hardcore cuddling as I settle down to take study for my AP exams. He's the best study buddy I could have ever asked for.
My question is: is Tiger reaaaallly retarded? Every vet ever has asked if we dropped him on his head of if he was the result of some heavy inbreeding and some of the stuff he does sometimes just... shocks me that he made it this far. However, there are these moments. These glimmerry, shiny, wonderful, ethereal moments in which I see a spark. A spark of some intelligence. Not going to lie, I hold onto these thoughts like a drowning man holds onto a piercing fishhook in a lake. If he actually isn't mentally disabled, that means he's been conning my family for extra food and tummy rubs and refusing to walk out of pure evil genius.
Sometimes I fantasize about what he thinks. I kind of imagine a Great Gatsby-esque, cool, calm, collected character that could be the precarious flirt but the deep romantic at the same time. His voice would reflect this. For some reason, I also imagine him as slightly schizophrenic and having conversations with himself. Of course all of this is out of pure love and confusion of my little pooch.
So, without further ado, this is what I've gotten from Tiger's actions in about the last 12 hours.
Eva and John and Nicole have left now
I only have Danielle and Margie yes
sirree you only have Danielle
and Margie
The chance of getting my favorite
place scratched is considerably
lower -yes sirree quite considerably lower-
with Eva and John and Nicole gone
So this is what you're going to do
Tiger old chap, this is what you're going to do
You're gonna limp
Left upper paw buddy that's it you got this
Your left upper paw and now flinch when
Danielle presses gently on it
to test if you're injured after
Margie pointed out that you are limping.
Good good she's picking me up
Now I don't have to walk up
the god-awful sticky stairs that
slaps my
tongue as I slave up she's almost there
old chap give her the
eyes so she gives you that cookie
that she bought this morning on her bike ride
she's staring oh God
does she see through it no she can't
pretend to fall asleep RIGHT NOW
come on fellow wake up wake up she's getting out
another cookie okay compose
yourself look
at your paw yes yes yes she's giving
you a second one old chap!
Wait what is that
what is that behind her
Is that gauze? What is she saying?
"Tiger, Mom is coming back
tomorrow and I can't take you to the vet
until she gets here but don't worry I'm going to stabilize
this leg
and then you won't hurt yourself
further"
I detest those pet names don't I
But we have a bigger pro'lem old
chap yes sirree we have a
bigger problem that is
a woman of about sixteen years
of age is inexperiencedley- yes,
I do say quite inexperiencedley -
wrapping gauze cloth around your left
paw.
And you are going to the vet tomorrow
and they'll probably
tell Danielle that I am
overweight and must go
on another stricter horribler
di-et.
Stay calm stay calm old boy, she
just gave you the
cookie and she's scratching your favorite
spot.
Just stay
calm and give
her the eyes. Never
give anything away.
That was actually quite fun. For anybody wondering if I'm crazy and think my dog is faking it and therefore abusing him by not giving him proper medical care, I am taking him to the vet tomorrow and I have, in fact, bandaged up his leg
 |
| ^proof that I don't abuse my dog^ |
Oh well, c'est la vie! Right now Tiger and I doing some hardcore cuddling as I settle down to take study for my AP exams. He's the best study buddy I could have ever asked for.
I love this post! Especially because you mention at the front that he's supposedly "mentally retarded," and yet he sounds very wise indeed. Not to mention that Tiger is absolutely adorable. Thanks, Danielle. Love it.
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